A purse is a purse is a purse: Not

Originally printed in the Traverse City Record-Eagle Sept. 26, 2010
A few years ago, I asked a friend who is older than me and a widow if she might consider remarrying someday.
Her response was a firm negative. “It’s like a friend of mine told me,” she said, “at my age, all they want is a nurse or a purse.”
I’ve always wanted to share that story, so figured it could start out this column about purses — not that type of purse, but the purses that many of us lug around on our shoulders or arms all of our lives. For me, a purse is a functional extension of who I am. Everything I might need at any given time is in my purse. This is not necessarily a good thing if you have a habit, as I do, of leaving it behind hanging on the back of a chair in a mall food court or finding everything swimming in baby formula when the bottle’s top has come loose, as happened more than once when my kids were little.
The thing about a purse is that it has to fit – just as a pair of shoes must. I have to be able to put my fingers on what I need, when I need it. Some fit like a glove. Others never make the cut.
I was reminded of that the other day when, in a meeting, in a very small room with one person who I don’t know very well, my cell phone started ringing.
Drat. I’d forgotten to put it on silent and lunged for it, not to answer, just to shut it up. But I was trying out a new purse. It had about 10 pockets – deep ones, which I’d thought was an asset. Not so. No matter how much I rummaged, I could not find the phone.
I apologized, ceasing my search when the phone stopped ringing. We resumed discussion until the phone rang again. Reaching into the deep dark pockets, I pierced my finger on a needle from a hotel room sewing kit. Nothing like having to suck your finger through a business meeting.
A few days later, I was with a woman who is very stylish. She was toting an enormous purse — banana-shaped, the size of a huge beach bag. It was a great fashion statement, but I had to ask: how do you find anything in there?
In response, she reached in and lifted out another purse – a small purse with multiple compartments packed tightly with checkbook, credit cards, wallet, pens and makeup. A purse within a purse, like those nesting Russian dolls. Using that concept, you could even have a file cabinet in there. What genius.
On the other hand, there’s the budget-friendly alternative: Don’t replace your old worn functional purse. Instead, put it inside a brown grocery bag. It will just look like you’re always on your way back from the store.
Better than stabbing yourself in a business meeting, and having to call a nurse.

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